Lara Croft: Satan's Fist
by grinspoon
Summary: Lara Croft's bisexuality becomes an issue as she struggles against a femme fatale seduction while attempting to thwart the Illuminati in yet another bid to alter time and planetary alignments. This episode sees her team up with Hillary and Bryce to steal an occult relic, Satan's Fist, from a museum in the dangerous 'Chicago Cultural Bio-Zone', an apocalyptic sub-culture wasteland.
1. Chapter 1

Lara Croft Slash

Satan's Fist

Rated: M

Lara flung a short leather jacket in her butler's direction as she strode through the main entryway to the mansion, all hippy swagger and bouncing boobs.

'Winston, take this please.' _Sans_ bra, her breasts were clearly visible under a taut filmy Calvin Klein racer back tee, nipples on high-beam.

'Yes, m'lady,' he replied with a slight bow. Lara arched one perfect eyebrow. 'That will be enough of the 'lady' business, thank you. And Bryce, what are you up to?'

'Oh just a few adjustments for SIMON. He's still recovering from that incident in Monaco…'

'He _is_ made of metal, Bryce. You carry on as if he's your next of kin.'

But that's what they were to each other. Her father gone, Lara had Winston and Bryce, the only family she needed. When she felt the urge, brief liaisons with hot gorgeous anonymous women were easy enough to come by. Pun intended. Annie, Leslie, Collette, Debra, Sarah… _ah, sweet Sarah…almost fell for her, with that amazing trick she did with her tongue_ …one-off playmates for wild, extreme-sport sex, hotly sweet and sticky like fairground cotton candy, a fulfillment of Lara's dangerous obsession with risk-taking…what Winston considered 'promiscuity unbecoming of a lady'…

'Anyway, Lara, how did it go at Christie's? Did you meet this woman?' the butler offered Lara a drink from a silver tray.

'Vivian Regan. Yes, we met.'

 _Amazing body, wrapped in skin-tight green satin Vera Wang, jet black shoulder-length hair; she's a long cool drink of crème de menthe…I'd add her to my milkshake any day…_

'And?' Bryce prompted.

'And, she has an interesting story, but I don't trust her. I've invited her for afternoon tea.' Lara wound up the staircase, tight-jeaned hips swaying, toned arms flexing as she reached to undo her hair clasp, tumbling a mess of auburn waves across her shoulder blades. Bryce couldn't resist an appreciative peek.

 _I don't approve, Lara. This isn't how I raised you! It's not your sexuality that concerns me. I know you're not my little girl anymore, you are a grown woman; I respect your choices. However, I cannot abide the promiscuity. It looks like you are actually_ _ **trying**_ _to harm yourself by having intimate relations with these complete strangers…_

 _Sarah, baby….ooooh that's so fuckin' awesome… here I come baby, I'm there…_ **Beeeeeeep, beeeeeep** _…._

Lara woke sweaty and disheveled, legs rigidly flexed, long fingers finishing her off. Guttural moans filled the silences between the alarm tones, creating a sound not unlike the urgent yodel of a police siren. She sat up suddenly, pitching the alarm clock, smashing a vase. Winston appeared instantly. His usually generous mouth was a tight bow of concern.

'Is everything all right?'

Lara stripped off sweaty tee and panties.

'I just woke up and hated everything.' She marched past him towards the bathroom naked, snatching the offered towel _. He best not remind me how unlady-like my behavior is today…_

Lara sipped her cognac.'So let me see if I understand. Your sister has been kidnapped by an underworld organization. Your dying father has been blackmailed, and they demand Satan's Fist for her safe return. Missed anything?'

'I know it sounds outrageous…they said no police or they will send bits of Carmen to Daddy in little boxes.' _Her voice is catching convincingly. She's dabbing her eyes with tissues. Her left thumb flicks the nail of her ring finger._

'If I may ask, what exactly is Satan's Fist?' Winston pretended to be dusting.

'I have no idea!' Vivian scanned the room with large, wet, moon-shaped eyes veiled with uniform thick lashes. A _gate-wary thoroughbred planning a barrier jump._

'Satan's Fist is an artifact that intrigued my father. A fist-shaped box made of pure obsidian. Supposedly containing a seed, whose flower can bring about an apocalypse,' Lara's voice became a whisper.

'Daddy paid a man to find it, but then he turned up dead. It's in the Chicago Museum of Natural History, the occult artifacts section. Please, Miss Croft, I'm begging you, we need you to retrieve it, for my sister!' _A whine that makes birds suicide into window panes and dogs howl. Begging, eh?..._

Lara looked over at the sultry young woman on the couch. Her distress and pathetically snot-smeared face somehow rendered her irresistible; she had to quell the impulse to French-kiss the mucous from those plump cheeks while reaching up her Vera Wang, wetting her just enough to finger-paint the insides of those shapely thighs… _I like what I'm seeing, but she's smart, sexy and streetwise. Might know just how to play me like an outa tune piano…_

Bryce was typically beside himself in the face of challenge.

'Hang on! At least one man's dead already because of this thing – I don't like it, Lara! Besides, Chicago street level is a containment area. It's under a biosecurity ozone shield. Nothing lives under the skyscrapers but mutants. It's a subterranean community of crime, poverty and desperate sickos. It's a crazy idea,' Bryce pleaded. Winston was nodding agreement, but Lara gave them both a dismissive wave.

'We'll recover Satan's Fist before it falls into the wrong hands. Winston, book us a cruise to the Chicago Cultural Biozone. Three passengers. Vivian, you're coming . Bryce, you will be our base camp here at the mansion. I'll need a bio-suit, and a replica of Satan's Fist. We leave as soon as possible.'

Bryce left for his workshop while Winston disappeared to make travel arrangements. Vivian paced nervously. _She's kneading that Louis Vuitton leather clutch like a pastry chef with a knob of greasy choux._

'Relax, Vivian. We'll get the fist and save your sister. I'll drop down from the air ducts when we reach occults, replace the fist with a fake, and jet back into the ship. Simple. But there's something you're not telling me.' Lara moved up behind Vivian and touched her lightly on the shoulders. Vivian turned, lips trembling, black eyes brimming with tears, the flood held back by a fence of razor-wire eyelashes. _Don't get stuck on that barb wire, Lara._

'You don't understand. It's not my sister…I'm just…I've never really been…' Their mouths locked in an urgent kiss and teeth clashed before soft, full lips joined, parting for exploring tongues. Lara pulled away.

'Vivian, you and your father are in a tight spot. I know you'd say or do anything right now. Sure, you're gorgeous, but I've had a million others like you, and there'll be a million more. Be ready to leave tomorrow.'

As Lara made her exit, Vivian snatched a phone from her purse, hurriedly texting as she left.

'Ok Lara, can you hear me? Did you find the airlock hatch yet? You want number seven, at the very end. You should drop right in front of Satan's thingo as we round the corner towards the medieval exhibit.'

'I'm positioned Bryce. I have the replica, set to go.'

'When you've made the switch, use the blast boots to catch up to us. The hatch will still be open and Bob's yer uncle.'

'Bob's your uncle, Bryce? Really. Mask is on. I'm ready. What about guards?'

'Down here? They're all outside, Lara.'

Floodlights cloaked the displays in a diseased foggy haze. Satan's Fist floated eerily in the center of the display room, a shiny disembodied Black Panther emblem. Lara moved quickly to make the switch and return to the ship.

'In the airlock Bryce. Moving back to the hatch.'

'Lara! I put a trace on Vivian's phone. She's sending texts, and they all go to a number _on board_ \- her guy is on the airship too! Be careful, Lara…'

'Oh thank God!' Vivian buried her face in Lara's neck, pressing her body close, and suddenly stiffened feeling the gun sticking into her ribs. Lara pushed Vivian away roughly.

'Ok, Vivian, let's talk about your sister Carmen. What kind of shit is she into? Stop purring over me like a cat in heat, all frocked-up in your best billionaire heiress cruise wear, and start talking. Who are you texting? Who's your contact on this ship? What's daddy really want with Satan's Fist? Start talking, dammit!'

 _She's dropping her façade like a melting ice-cream cone at the summer fair in a midday August swelter._

'You cold-hearted unfeeling bitch! You think you're so hot, so macho…you're just a daddy's-little-rich-girl like my sister, a sex-addicted cunt, a crazy masochistic lesbian freak …' Vivian was crying hysterically. 'I hate you!' she spat, delivered a stinging slap and locked herself in the toilet. Simultaneously the cabin door swung open, revealing a withered old man leaning on a cane.

'Hello, General Sternwood.'

Tension was thick. _This man's eyes are pale as cigarette smoke and stale as road kill on route 66._ Vivian sidled in to join her father.

'Put away your weapon. As you can see, Lady Croft, I'm ancient. No need for violence. Give me Satan's Fist.' He tugged feebly at his throat, picking at loose skin, finally freeing a mask and peeling it away to reveal a hideous mass of bubbling puss-filled boils with eyes and a mouth. 'It's my last chance to feel human again before I die.'

'Tell me why I care, General.'

'I need to sell this artifact to the Illuminati. The fist holds a seed from the dorstenia contrajaerva plant. When planted on the Greek island of Lesbos, the flower blooms, and planetary alignments can be reformed directly. Fruit from the plant will be used to create a serum to free me from these biological deformities. Surely you appreciate the humanitarian implications.'

'All I see is an old man and a whore. But take your statue. Good riddance. Let's go, Winston.'

The family of three, four if you count SIMON, sat around the sunny garden gazebo.

'Oh, mint tea…Winston, it hits the spot.'

'But Lara, I can't believe you gave it to him,' Bryce complained. 'He'll live forever now, the old badger.'

'I doubt it. He got what he deserved, Bryce. I gave him your lovely replica. Raise your teacups: To Satan's Fist!'


	2. What's in the Locket, Lara

3560LHS Advanced Literary Studies Dr D. Ellison Seminar Tues. 9-12pm

Christi Terry s1114629

Essay Due 12 September 2016

10

 **Harry Potter and the Theoretical Bloom:**

 **the irrelevance of literariness in pop culture criticism**

Christi Terry s1114629

'How to read "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"? Why, very quickly, to begin with, perhaps also to make an end. Why read it? Presumably, if you cannot be persuaded to read anything else, Rowling will have to do. Is there any redeeming educational use to Rowling?...why read, if what you read will not enrich mind or spirit or personality?' Bloom, 2000

In his _Wall Street Journal_ article 'Can thirty-five million book buyers be wrong? Yes', literary academic Harold Bloom pits his opinion against that of a formidable Rowling readership, who it would seem is reading for reasons other than expansion of mind, spirit and personality, and in so doing is conferring value with defiant consumption of the popular book. Bloom is considered 'probably the most celebrated literary critic in the United States' (Kermode, 2002). Adam Begley refers to him as 'a colossus among critics… (who) has edited and written introductions to some 400 volumes of literary criticism' (Begley, 1994). Yet clearly, Rowling's pop culture 'value' is not what critics have in mind when deciding on literary quality. Bloom reacts with feigned head-scratching puzzlement, berating readers and society as a whole for their disturbingly incomprehensible poor taste. But despite his irrefutable position as a gatekeeper of formidable status, Bloom's opinions are representative of an archaic bias within a specific literary criticism context that denies a differing value of literature, one unbound by theoretical dissection, where 'literariness' is irrelevant.

When 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' was written computers were changing lives in the 21st century society. New technology had a disturbing impact on children's reading habits. Society and culture became concerned with taking short-cuts, fed by rapid advancement of technology. Children were more attracted to PlayStation than books; parents and educators feared a drop in literacy levels as young people became increasingly screen-fixated. It was a perfect time for a new children's book. When the publishing phenomenon of Rowling's book flew in the face of conventional theories of literary merit, critics like Bloom were quick with their polemical reviews. Bloom didn't reserve his critique to Rowling, but cast aspersions on the _New York Times_ itself, sarcastically naming it the 'official newspaper of our dominant counter-culture'. He let Rowling off the hook dismissively, blaming the public for sub-standard reading practice, chiding the 'host (who) are reading (Harry Potter) who simply will not read superior fare, such as Kenneth Grahame's "The Wind in the Willows" or the "Alice" books of Lewis Carroll' (Bloom, 2000).

Anthony Holden, writing for _The Guardian_ , was equally vocal.'Why Harry Potter doesn't cast a spell over me' compared 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' to 'Beowulf'. Holden groaned about the behind-the-scenes bitcheries and opinion clashes of the Whitbread Award judging. He shifted blame to a general downfall of society's literacy standards and an over-consumption of 'mindless mass entertainment', referring to Harry as 'a children's hero for our culturally impoverished times' (Holden, 2000). Like many critics, Holden found fault with Rowling's simple prose; 'as a workout for the brain, reading…Harry Potter is an activity marginally less testing than watching Neighbours', and 'simply proof of a 'dumbing down of all our lives' (Holden, 2000). He complained of black and white characters, predictable story lines, and minimal suspense; all inconsistent with the book's plot lines and characterisation in positive critiques such as the Winerup and Byatt _New York Times_ reviews. Being a Whitbread Award judge, Holden's gatekeeping agenda and biases are suspect and he makes his personal preferences quite clear: while a stampede of children and parents filling the streets to buy a book would normally be a 'cause for stunned rejoicing…frankly, it depends on the book' (Holden, 2000).

But literary criticism of Rowling is a moot point. 'Literariness' is irrelevant when it comes to a product of popular culture such as 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone', dishing up pure fantasy entertainment, igniting imaginations of children and adults. Its purpose is not lofty canonical interpretation heavy with the instilled negativity and suspicion Felski addresses in her unmanifesto (Felski, p. 3). Felski's differentiation between academic and lay reading explains what she calls 'differing conventions of interpretation', and insists without acknowledging these differences we risk miscommunication (Felski, p. 12). In the instance of Rowling's 'Harry Potter' phenomenon, the resulting critical reviews reflect just such misunderstanding between values of literary art and popular culture texts; the two constructs are mutually exclusive. Rowling's books plug in to a commonality of current value systems, fill a niche in the consumer market of the moment, and engage in the 'play of value' Connor refers to as being 'bound up intimately with motivation and purpose' (Connor, p.8). In this regard, 'Wind in the Willows' and 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' are apples and oranges; two forms of literature derived from very different historical and socio-cultural frameworks. They should be studied, validated and appreciated by criteria specific to their independent constructs.

Tomkins explores this problem of making incongruous comparisons such as those made by Bloom and Holden in determining quality or value in chapter VII of her book, 'Sensational Designs: The Cultural Work of American Fiction'. Tomkins asks, 'but is it any good?' and makes a point regarding the shortcomings of value judgments of texts based on comparisons to unquestionably great works of literature, continuing to elaborate on the issues of historical frameworks, value judgments and canonicity in the context of editorial gatekeeping practices. Her discussion catalogues the formation and re-formation of canon lists over decades with a focus on edited anthologies such as Pattee, Miller and Norton (Tomkins, p. 188). She identifies concerns of editors' subjectivity and conflicting notions of greatness evident in their choices, and demonstrates how variables such as cultural and historical shifts alter interpretations. In drawing attention to anthologists' mutual claim that a 'main criterion of selection has been literary excellence' (Tomkins, p. 192 ), she emphasizes the ambiguity of a term whose meaning changes over time within historical, social and political contexts; further highlighting a need to remove judgment of non-literary popular works such as 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' from this ever shifting value spectrum.

Arbitrarily conferring literary merit in a subjectively gate-kept collection, Tom Jenks and Raymond Carver's 'American Short Story Masterpieces' reflects its editors preferences for realism. A thick little paperback published in 1987, it boasts 'a rich selection of recent fiction from America's best modern writers' (Jenks, Carver, eds. 1987). Apparently, 'this highly acclaimed collection of short stories…contains _only_ the best literary art of the past four decades', and openly admits a bias towards realism. Are the editors implying that in forty years there has been no modern or post-modern writing of value? Their selection criterion for 'literary excellence' is subject to a multiplicity of interpretations; the thirty-six stories chosen 'probe issues that give us that "shock of recognition" that is the hallmark of great art'. Therefore, if we can relate to a narrative in some deeply personal way, does it become inherently valuable? If so, a sarcastic argument could be made for the literary quality of Mills & Boone romance, 'The Simpsons', and reality television programs, using the degree to which we can relate to the character(s), situations and cultural climate as proof of literary worth.

Similarly applied to 'Harry Potter', phenomenal readership could be attributed to a plot addressing social issues in imaginary settings; an orphan in foster care, sent off to wizard boarding school to learn life's lessons. But this book is not meant for literary use. Felski's discussions on the importance of serious engagement with non-scholarly motives for reading, such as escapism, support this direction of interpretation. (Felski, p. 14). In Rowling's books, children escape to a magical fantasy world with a school for witches and wizards, fantastical characters with outlandish names and special powers, mythical beasts and fantasy elements of centaurs, enchanted forests, unicorns, a wizard jail with ghostly prison guards, flying cars, and the unique sport of Quidditch, played entirely on flying broomsticks. Adults enjoy the simple fantasy for themselves, read Harry Potter books to their children and are thus engaged, or are drawn to Rowling for the escapism value, and sense of childhood comfort revisited, described by Byatt (Byatt, 2003). In Sarah Lawall's book 'Reading World Literature: Theory, History, Practice', Moebius' explores adult fascination with children's literature:

Moebius examines…'Curious George' and 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'…both works, fantastic narratives inside realistic settings, use interrelated verbal and visual cues to raise…issues of power and desire…pleasure and the sources of pleasure in everyday life…revisiting their own childhood, (adults) encounter the beginnings of a…multidimensional self. (Moebius, 1994)

A type of intrinsic aesthetic value resulting from serious non-scholarly reader engagement with the text is implied. This form of reading pleasure transcends literariness as a necessary value in a lay-reading context.

Andrew Morriss had a different opinion to Moebius regarding adult appreciation for 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher' Stone'. Writing for _The Foundation for Economic Freedom_ , he believed adults, particularly liberals, enjoy the Potter books because the plot includes familiar and easily recognizable political and social constructs: 'There are three strikingly classical liberal features of the wizarding world…first is its banking and monetary system…based on precious metals…and despite their powers, wizards must buy (what) they need from the private sector' (Morriss, 2000). The second feature is a favourable portrayal of commerce, and the third, the role of government in the form of the Ministry of Magic. However, Morriss makes two criticisms regarding this liberal representation in the book. Firstly, the absence of a Wizard Centrelink, which would certainly have benefitted the struggling Weasley family, is noted. Morriss' second objection is a political one; he feels strongly that a child's story should be realistic in that the society established, however magical and unreal, should be imbued with recognized classic liberal features such as democratically based political structures. In the Harry Potter world, this is as irrelevant as canonically defined literary value.

However, some broader degree of value judgment is necessary and inescapable, whether the object, or text, is literary or popular culture based. Tomkins and Connor agree that judgments regarding value of a given text are constantly being made by individuals and institutions in deciding what is 'good', even in making the choice not to assign value (Connor, p. 9). Also, 'judgments of literary value are always perspectival, not objective…we are always making choices…about which books to read…the point is that the grounds on which we make them are not absolute and unchanging' (Tomkins, p. 193). This is reflected in changing university syllabi, high school reading lists and our own personal re-shuffling of the lounge room bookcase, or in a modern technological context, what we choose to type into a Google search.

Felski says something similar in discussing aesthetic value and its inseparableness from use, elaborating that 'our engagements with text are extraordinarily varied, complex, and often unpredictable' (Felski, p. 8). It is our manner of use that determines the type of engagement with the text and therefore its contextual value, literary or aesthetic. Beardsley suggests thinking of aesthetic value as 'a capacity to afford experience' (Beardsley, 1981). An object has aesthetic value which will be appreciated or not, depending upon a set of experiential variables. This is helpful in understanding the polar extremes of value experiences between literary critics and Rowling fans.

In conclusion, popularity approaching a 'craze' such as 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' is often indicative of a response to social need, and reflects an aesthetic value derived from a reader engagement separate to the theoretical, immune to 'literariness'. It values fun, adventure, frivolity; celebrates innocence. Simple language allows availability and accessibility to a huge audience of lay readers, promoting pleasurable escapist engagement with a fantastic magical world. Even Bloom is forced to admit Rowling provides '…exactly what millions of children and their parents desire and welcome at this time' (Bloom, 2000).

 **References**

Beardsley, M.C. _Aesthetics: Problems in the Philosophy of Criticism_ , 1st ed., 1958; 2d ed., 1981. Viewed 28 August 2016 .

Begley, A. 1994, 'Colossus Among Critics: Harold Bloom', _the New York Times,_ 25 September 1994. Viewed 30 August 2016 .

Bloom, H. 2000, 'Can 35 Million Book Buyers Be Wrong? Yes', _The Wall Street Journal,_ 11 July 2000. Viewed 29 August 2016 articles/SB963270836801555352

Byatt, A.S. 2003, 'Harry Potter and the Childish Adult', _the New York Times,_ 7 July 2003. Viewed 21 August 2016 .

Carver, R. & Jenks, T. (eds) 1987, _American Short Story Masterpieces,_ Random House, New York.

Connor, S. 1992, _Theory and Cultural Value_ (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1992), 276 pp. Course reading Semester Two 3560LHS

Felski, R. 2008, _Uses and Literature_ , Malden MA Blackwell.

Holden, A. 2000, 'Why Harry Potter Doesn't Cast a Spell Over Me', _The Guardian,_ 25 June 2000. Viewed 25 August 2016 . 2000

Kermode, F. 2002, 'Hip Gnosis', _The Guardian,_ 12 October 2002. Viewed 24 August 2016 .

Moebius, W. 1994, "Informing Adult Readers: Symbolic Experience in Children's Literature." In _Reading World Literature: Theory, History, Practice_ , edited by Sarah Lawall, 309-27. Austin: University of Texas Press, 1994. Viewed 24 August 2016 . /books?id=-nkQpsedqwC&pg=PA285&lpg=PA285&dq=sarah+lawall+charlie+and+the+chocolate+factory+and+moebius+in+reading+world+literature&source=bl&ots=zNE2bKvoBY&sig

Morriss, A. 2000, 'Why Classic Liberals Should Love Harry Potter', _The Foundations For Economic Freedom,_ December 2000. Viewed 26 August 2016 /articles/why-classical-liberals-should-love-harry-potter/

Tomkins, J. 1986, _Sensational Designs: The Cultural Work of American Fiction,_ Oxford University Press, Oxford.


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